The Saved: Notes from Facebook no. 1

Since i've been tagged to do this by at least 4 other people, I suppose i should.

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you it's because I want to know more about you.

1) I always feel a little bit weird when people tell me that I'm talented and take really good photos. On one had I know that I'm a damn good photographer. On the other I know I've got a lot to learn. I know that if I say "I know" or acknowledge that I know that I'm good, I'll come off as offensive and an ass. So I generally just sit/stand there awkward and say "thanks". Sometimes I just wish I could say "yeah, I know" and not come off as a dick or cocky.

2) In general, I think I'm over rated. Because of the persona that everyone has seemed to give me [i.e. that i'm nicer, more talented, more reliable, ect..] I generally feel i have to live up to it and when I don't I feel like I've let everyone down and that i"m a jerk. On the whole, I feel like I'm very misunderstood. 

3) I have a serious case of wonder-lust. I lived in texas 18 years of my life and for 5 years of that dreamed of what it would be to live other places. I've lived in chicago for nearly 2 years now and think it's time for a change; even if it's just temporary. And as we're on the subject, my big dream in life is to make money doing something that makes me happy and being able to live in as many places and countries as I'd like.

4) Relationships generally never work out for me. The reasons I've been told are a) I'm too chill and become every guy's best friend, b) I'm too innocent [they don't wanna corrupt me], c) they got too serious and got too scared, d) i treat equally, e) I never have the balls go up and tell someone that i'm attracted to/am interested in them, f) who the hell knows.

5) When I really think about it, I sometimes wish that I was as close to God as I used to be. When I could feel him daily and thought I wanted to be a youth pastor. I still believe in God and feel like he's watched out for me more times than I can think of. But I feel hesitant about saying I'm a Christian. I feel like all He wants us to do is Love everyone. That's what I strive to do. I just don't see how a lot of christians could be so closed minded when they believe in such fantastic things. Also, I feel like He's got big plans for my life. Things that will impact the world. I'm cool with that. :]

6) There are two kinds of anger, but only one kind of anger is good. It's been said that if something makes you angery and causes you to stop and say/think "man, someone really ought to do something about that!" or "someone ought to change that!" 9 times out of ten you're that person. Last year I took a cultural studies class and I really liked it because it made me angry... the good kind of angry. I wanted to stand up, shout, and storm out of that classroom and change the world each time. I still find many things that make me want to do that. I can't always put my finger on them. When I sometimes feel as if I can, I feel as if I lack the connections to. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a leader, but I'd be good as someone backing the leader making sure things ran smoothly or whatever. Helping in whatever way I could. I'm ready to fight, I just wish I knew what my purpose was or had the connections to do something.

7) I'm not in anyway good with words.

8) I was adopted at 5 months of age and have never really considered the two people that conceived me to be my parents. I always felt that your real parents are the people/person that actually took the time, the stress, the money, and the joy to raise you... no matter how hard it might've been. Although no one in my [immediate] family are really the same race [both my parents are white & my brother is tongan, I'm native american], I generally never give it much thought. We are a family and they're some of the best people that I know and love. I could've ended up anywhere but I was lucky enough to end up with them. It boggles my mind every-time I think about it. Years later, we fought for my adoption papers. I found out that my birth mother lives in a small town in OK and doesn't want to have contact with me [not that i ever wanted to contact her]. Even more recently while trying to research my family tree, I found out that apparently my birth father might be dead. Another random fact is that apparently I have a half sister [or bother] floating around other there somewhere. 

9) I think growing up I was always a little behind everyone. I sucked my thumb until I was 6 or 7 years old and didn't learn how to ride a bike with out training wheels until I was 13. I got the gift of dyslexia from my birth mother and as a result spent many nights in the dinning room with my mom balling my eyes out as she struggled to help me learn how to read and spell. After many years of going to tutoring and with the help of my mom, I slowly but surely learned to read and spell. To this day, I still sometimes process numbers backwards [i.e. something will say 52 and I'll think it said 25] and words come out of my mouth a little backwards (one day I was talking to some friends and ment to say "problem solved". What came out was "solvemed probed." I never lived that down lol).

10) I can in no way watch horror flicks. I absolutely hate to see human suffering. So for me, to watch horror movies is like sitting trough an hour and a half of pure torture. 

11) The concept of rebellion fascinates me. This would be the reason why [books such as] Anthem, 1984, Voices of the Chicago 8, and the Uglies Series, [and movies such as] V for Vendetta, The Lives of Others, Children of Men, Motorcycle Diaries, 28 Days Later, The Battle of Algiers, and even Aeonflux grab my imagination and in most cases become my favorite stories. 

12) In general, accents, dialects, languages, and cultures fascinate me. A short term goal that i've been working on is teaching myself Spanish. I'm not really sure how well I'm doing since it seems since i haven't studied in awhile I'm forgetting alot of what i've learned. I'm hoping to get better though. 

13) It is a very good chance that come next academic year, I won't be studying at columbia, but will be instead studying aboard in Buenos Aries, Argentina.

14) Because of things that've happened with my family while growing up, I've come to believe that I have to be the strong one of the group. As such, I hate/dont allow myself to cry in front of others. My personal reasons/philosophy behind it being that, If I cry and others see it, everything/everyone will fall apart. So, I try my damnedest not to cry in front of others even if it's just something like just watching a movie. The sweet irony is that the cold makes my eyes water up. It's one of my least favorite things about the cold.

15) I've only a small core group of friends. I know alot of people, but many are just acquaintances. I often feel that I would like to get to know my acquaintances better though and hang out with them. I think alot of people think that I go out of my way to meet people... but this generally isn't the case.

16) I party with people that I know and take photos at parties because other wise I'd be the awkward asshole in the corner that doesn't really talk to anyone or just kind of trails behind their friends because they don't know what to do with themselves or anyone. 

17) I was straight edge for 19 year of my life. During high school I never went to any parties because I'd much rather go to shows. Everyone I knew and hung out with went to shows and I also felt that the connections/relationships that you obtained at parties where very shallow and a little bit ascewed. Now that i'm in my 2nd year of college, I party nearly every weekend and to an extent I still feel the same way about it all.

18) I'm an idealist but I feel like every day I grow a little bit more pessimistic.

19) I have a hard time saying no to people.

20) I don't believe that I'm completive in any traditional way; but dear God, tell me that I can't do something that i'm interested in, and I will passionately set forth to prove you wrong. Even if it takes years. [i.e. in 9th grade summer school, Corey Boyd told me that my photos sucked and that I should quit. In my mind I gave the "eff you" and continued on. A year or so later I became the Sr. Photographer for Adorevintage.com doing the editorial photo shoots, and had a 6 page photo editorial in N.E.E.T. magazine. In my sr. year of high school, I became his inspiration for going into photography. Now i'm going to school for film. Although the whole time I've been here I've been a film major, everyone thinks that Im a photo major and when I announced last semester that i'd be a photo major, everyone said "bout time"/"finally!"]

21) The fact that I've been the big inspiration for people to pick up the camera and go into photography and/or influenced their style of photography is crazy to me. Apparently also i've been the inspiration for a person or two to get a tattoo on their wrist.

22) I'm the biggest procrastinator I know. I've class tomorrow and 4 chapters of the text book were supposed to be read. It's 2am and i'm about to go to sleep. I've read maybe 3 pages. I'll read it tomorrow before class. Also I have two rolls of film due as well. I'm waking up at 5:30am to go shoot. This is getting a bit ridiculous. 

23) Growing up my dream wasn't to become an artist. At that point I wasn't even aware I had talent in that area. I'd been able to sing since I'd been able to form sounds. My grandmother called me her little song bird. On sundays while my parents made lunch after church, I'd sit at the piano hitting random keys and singing whatever words popped into my head. I grew up dreaming to become famous for my singing. My brother, on the other hand, was able to draw stick figures as soon as he was able to hold a writing utensil in his hand. By the time he was 6 he was able to draw pretty detailed drawings. I was always impressed. It was only in our adolescence that our talents switched. I became good at art & photography and he became good at rapping, writing songs, and recording, mixing and producing music. 

24) On the subject of race: I'm native american, black [8%] and white. How much native american blood is in me is still up to debate as I have somewhere between 25% and 50%. I have german, english, dutch, french and a crap ton of other european blood in me. Recently, I've been trying to find out more about my heritage as a native american as it's always been the side i've identified with/coincided myself as/had the most influence on me. 

25) On the subject of family: on my mother's side; her family came over on the mayflower and settled in upstate new york. Her family also spread methodism throughout the north east. As such, many of her ancestors are actually in the stain glass windows of some of the churches in the northeast. Her grandfather was a doctor and served as a doctor during WWI and continued as a country doctor during the Great Depression. Many times during the depression he was paid in food and furniture. Her parents [and my grandparents] apparently used to drink with Jack Ruby [aka the guy that killed Lee Harvey Oswald who was the man who killed JFK. 24 years later, I was born into the same hospital that JFK was pronounced dead & had his autopsy at. My grandfather was a 33 degree free mason/Scottish wright. On my mother's side, I'm currently related to both George W. Bush and Faith Hill. On my dad's side: they came over from Wales at some unknown date and moved to michigan. At some point or another someone on his side of the family was a pirate. His family moved from Michigan to NYC around the same time the Statue of Liberty was being erected there. My dad's grandfather was in the KKK along with being a Magician and a free mason. His grandfather tried to get my grandfather [his son] in to the KKK and grampa reed said "screw that" and i'm told he burned the costume/uniform. My grandfather [my dad's dad] was a fighter pilot during WWII. Although my parents were our age in the 60's and 70's and lived in upstate new york, neither went to wood-stock and were not hippies. It's crazy. I would've been... or at the very least an artist and/or beatnik.