He says since it's been gone he's been much more productive, done things he wouldn't have done otherwise. I hear his points and I'm resistant. "You're cutting yourself off from the world." I say. "How would you keep up with people?" I think to myself. But it seems that people were able to keep up with each other and survive with out things like facebook, myspace, and even the internet in the past. Maybe we rely on them too much. Maybe I rely on them too much.
When I think about it; what do I do on there? Generally I log on see if I have any notifications or mail and then not really do a damn thing on there. I tell my self I use it to keep in touch with people... which is true to an extent but it's not like I've ever been really awesome at commenting people or even commenting people back. When I think about it, when I come to the root of it, I keep it to keep up with a party culture that (when I also really think and get to the root of that) I don't respect either. Point being: I actually never do anything on facebook and I use it to keep up with a culture that i don't really care to much about.
On the topic, after reading my livejournal last semester, my best friend Trib worried that maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I had come to chicago after all. She was worried about me because she had found out that I had started drinking. I calmed her worries but idk, thinking about things now, I think maybe I really have lost myself a little while being here. All my life up until recently I had been all about (personally) not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex or going to parties. Well in the past year I've broken at least 3ish of those. I now drink, party, smoke (hooka), and have had sex. Recently I've thought about possibly smoking pot just to try it. What the fuck?! I'm really loosing control of the morals that i've had for myself my whole life.
"Everything in moderation."
I need some more/different moderation in my life. I need to no longer say that I'll just see most of my friends at parties but actually go out of my way during the week and see them. Most of them I've never even seen where it is that they live [outside of the loop]. The Loop is kinda like a bobble; and it's one that I need to burst.
In high school I, having the view that I did on parties, I would rather go to shows than parties... and that's what me and my friends did. Shows and random adventures/hanging out. I miss those times. I can't remember what it was exactly that we did besides shows but there was always something and we always had fun. I miss that:
I think maybe what this is all about is that I think I just need to find the person that I used to be. The essence is still there. I am who I've always been. But god
idk. OR maybe this is just finding a new way to be while still being me. I'm not sure. it's a bit of both.
Things to do within the next week:
-delete facebook
-delete deviantart
-write letters to the people on my list to write from sendsomething.net
-finnish Voices of the Chicago 8: A Generation on Trial
-shoot and print 8 rolls
-shoot & turn in photos from 2east8th
-work on sam's film
-figure out a budget
-edit all photos shot over the last week
-clean the apt & get cat to put away her clothes
-call bryan and mom and dad and trib
-shoot for myself.
-finnish editing video
-start recording more video.
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