It didn't hit me that
I was back in chicago until
an hour after I was back. It was
good to sit in my messy living room
amongst friends again. But also very strange
knowing that now, texas is no longer where I live
in any way shape or form. The house I stayed in is now
"my parents house" or simply "the place where I grew up".
I've still got alot of growing up to do, but this time it's in my
own place and now completely
on my own terms.

My moving (officially) to Chicago
has really hit my brother harder than I thought
it would. It's been only with in the past year and a half/2 years
that me and him have actually gotten to know each other and appreciate
one another. He's probably one of my favorite people in my life and I'm sad
that I won't be able to see him as much anymore... but I can't be stuck in dallas.
My wonder lust is too strong to stay in that place; no matter how much I live the people there.

On the upside, I have been
talking to Clayton, Eamon, Trib, Tim and Cam
about them possibly coming up this summer for
Lalapolooza or just to come up and chill here with me for
a bit and they're all thinking about it which is good. I just hope
they actually do come up, cuz that'd be sweet.

I feel like everytime
I come home there's always
someone that I've inadvertently
trying to convince to come to columbia:
Cam, Emily, Trib, (random girl that hangs out
at The MO), and the list goes on..
It's weird, and I always feel strange afterwards.

So I've come home
for spring break.
Things I've experienced in
the last day and a half:

1. seeing chicago at sunrise
2. flying (while sleeping)
3. seeing green grass
4. smelling freshly cut grass (def. a suburban smell)
5. petting my dog
6. being home.

Unfortunately being here won't
be all pleasure as I have to pack up
my life and send it all away to chicago.
I (and my roommates) officially got our apartment
yesterday so there era of still partly living in texas is up.
From here on out I'm only a visiter. a guest in my parents house.
Home for now on will be (in) chicago.

This line of thought/reality has lead me
to the theme of my photo final.
Leaving My Life.
It'll be shot in black & white
on 120 film... so medium format.
I'm gonna film friends in locations that
have been important/influential over the coarse
of the last 19 and a half years of my life here in texas.
as such I'll have to shoot it here while I'm on spring break.
Downside: Dallas doesn't like to carry film.
SO i'm gonna have to hunt it all down.



gotta take colin home.
more latta.

today I choose to
spend time at the beach
over actually getting sleep tonight.


I'm already regretting this decision.




good weather days
and sleep can happen/be
experienced at any point.
Just which i could experience both.

She told me that
she was proud of me today
and that she thought i was improving.

I didnt say it then
but it actually meant alot.

More often than not
I feel as if my work is going
no where these days. It's all completely
self-induced weather I mean it to or not.

What I really wanna do
is to get out of my comfort zone
and do some documentary photography
or something.

I need a new topical/themed/genre challenge.
Something that will make me feel stupid and not
in control. Something that I'll sit and think on. Something
I'll spend time planning out how to do it. Wrestling over ideas
for it.

I want/need something like that again.
But really I'm the only one depriving myself of it.
Just gotta get out there and do it.

let the rivers continue
to flow. This island is not
yours to consume.

I don't wanna say
"I told you so"
but when it comes baring
an olive branch, I'm more than
ok having this out come.




thank god for this weekend.

this morning I swore I
heard the sound of birds chirping.
Mistaking it for city noises I rolled back over.

Later on erin and I looked out
the window and saw tiny little birds.
It was then we knew spring was officially here.

[ ]

I [generally] share everything I have.
it's just the way things go.







and still I'm the
most ridiculous person
that I know.

Little Bear begin Me.

[had to come up with a myth about my life for my Humanities class. This is what I got.]

The Tale of Little Bear

There was once a baby girl born in the southwest. Early on her mother had decided that having big dreams and children at such a young age was not possible; and so it was decided that she would give the infant away.

Luckily Little Bear landed into the loving care of Tiny & Red, and her new brother Bry. It wasn’t long after that she considered them her real family. Unfortunately, the only gift Little Bear inherited from her birth mother was her knack for being horrible with words. As a child, she was unable to decipher the code in which to read them. Many a night she would sit at the table with her mother as she tried to teach Little Bear how to read. These sessions never went very well as they would end with Little Bear breaking down in tears completely defeated.

Eventually she had learned to read words. But she found as she entered into adolescence her ability to wield them in such a way as to describe what she meant was somewhat limiting. This to her was very frustrating. She tried many different things, but nothing seemed to work out as well as she needed them to. After time, she stumbled on to photography. Or more like Mathew Hall. All her life she had been taking photos and never thought much of it. But after viewing his work her eyes were thrown open; photography could be art. And so, afterward every photo she took was an attempt to create art.

Try as she might, the ability to create art with her photography always seemed to allude her. Once she was even told that she ought to quit because she wasn’t getting anywhere in her attempts. Despite this, she kept trying and eventually began to get better.

Little Bear’s emerging passion for photography started her on a journey. On this journey she met many photographers from around the world who would lend their advice. Due to this she was able to learn how to further articulate what she wanted the photos to communicate.

Eventually her journey took her to Chicago where she is currently studying photography even further and plans to always keep it apart of her life.





[not the best written thing ever.. but whatever, I've always been bad about figuring out how things will end.. or how they could/can]

Lately

In the past two weeks:




Found out that aparently we've been out of high school long enough to start
having high school stereotyped theme parties.



Long walks in the winter are only as cold as you want them to be.



No matter what I might do to distance myself from film, I will always some how end up being involved in it. (did 2 films in one week)



1) My dream apartment.
a. one block away from kevin and michael
b. 1700 sq. ft ... with in unit washer and drier [thank god!]
c. in wicker park: close enough that if I wanna be down there I can walk or ride a bike; but far enough away that I can avoid it.
d. in my price range... actually under.

2) that me and my dad are a like in the way that sometimes when we get an idea in our head we go off the deep end with it.. or just mentally run with it. Unfortunately this time it's not to my advantage and I'm gonna have to think of damn good reasons on how to counter him and his thought process.



My friends are quiet possibly some of the funniest people that I know.