I always get nervous going home
I never know who is still my friends
and who arent... weather because of passage of time
or weather it's because apparently I've become too liberal.


I always know that trib will be..
but I always get a bit nervous when
walking into the mosaic... I never know
what influence John has had on colin
since John now hates me.


I love colin, and don't wanna loose him.
all the same, I'll find out come next thursday or sunday.
Funny that I know jimmy'll always be cool with me.

saying the same things over
cuz I just can't care anymore.

Black Bear

coming to terms that I am
indeed not a photographer.
I can not acutely portray any meaning
or anything that I have to say.
Nor do I understand what it means to be
a photographer. I do not create using light.
I simply take from things and instances in front of
me. I do not create with light.

I do not have the goal
to make/take an image that will
profoundly affect the art world as I know it.
I never really intended to, and lost sight of that.
I can not create for others. I can not do things for others.

I rarely try to things only
for myself. I try to put others before myself
when at all possible. I think it's time to be selfish
again. To say fuck everyone else.


At the same time,
I feel like if I didn't have to
pick up a camera to fulfill assignments
I wouldn't. I need to take a break.

I've gone back to my first love: singing.
And another: playing guitar.
I've gone back to what has always been natural for me.

I've written two songs thus far
and recorded them.
nothing terrific... i wouldn't expect them to be.
But i'm still pretty excited at the start i've made.


http://www.myspace.com/blackbearchicago

I need to re-evaluate everything.









on the upside, I've gotten into music again.
I've written 2 songs (mostly), recorded one..


I'm feeling pretty good about that
night now. Music has become the outlet.

when this is all said and done
i'll be taking the rest of the summer/fall
to revamp my style. Go back to the basics.
Try every type of photography again.



re
vamp

yeah,
i know.
my shit's mediocre.

Lately, Disenchanted.

I feel as if I'll never be
able to accurately express myself via photography.

I think it's time to take an active break from photography
to explore other medium and ways in which I can express myself.


accurately.