Self Loathing and all that Shit.

I'm no longer sure what to do with myself.
As i made my way across the city and back to
Wicker Park, I came to the conclusion that I am a coward.

I am a coward because I although
I finally got up the nerve to tell him,
I couldn't find it in me to stick around.
I am a coward because I can never bring myself
to admit to guys that I like them.
I am a coward because what should've been said two years
ago, never was, and I'm sure now I've ruined my chances.
I am a coward because I no longer would even know
what to do with myself should I get in a relationship.

I have a sinking feeling that whatever
self assured mentalities and character traits I now have were
all just self justified excuses to allow myself to become a coward.


Never the less,
I'm now an idiot.
I am an idiot because I drank
too much vodka (for me) and then decided
to travel across the city too late at night.
I'm an idiot because after I got home (though gillian
didn't think it was possible), in my drunken state I completely
lost my keys. There is now a now a hole in my memory as to where
I put them. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do.