is it terribly 

selfish for me to say

that I'm incredibly tired of looking

at people's flickrs and facebooks and live journals

and seeing photo after photo of them abroad in all these different places?

I envy and despise them all at the same time.

none of this is at all their fault;

but rather mine for not having the time,

sufficient funds,  or guts to go out and act on a dream

that i've had for nearly all my life. 

I tell my self, "no worries, you'll live abroad

after college, that's when you'll get to do it all."

I don't know if I can stand to do that though.

every fiber in my being is telling me to leave, to explore...

that this is the time. It's my chance. The forked road is just ahead

and a decision must be made. Ahead, the road continues it's coarse,

it goes straight. Along this path I stay at Columbia and in the states.

Things go as planned. At the fork, another road curves to the right.

Along it, I take the leap, I leave the country and I study abroad. I experience

things I'd never dream of (like speaking in a language on a daily basis that I wasn't

taught from the cradle). I take the journey that fulfills  a life dream & goal. I take

life by the horns and I live a little. It is a step in the direction of becoming the person

I'm to grow to be. Along this path, I also let people down and sacrifice more than I ever

thought I would.

If I do not take the leap now,

I don't know if there'll be a time for

me to ever do it again. There are points in

life where you must choose to do things for yourself

and not let opportunities pass you by. Sometimes it's 

not merely an option of just saying 'yes'; sometimes you've

got to fight for it after saying yes to that opportunity. 

I think that if all goes well

and I get the thumbs up to do it,

i'm going to have to choose this path

no matter that it'll let down some of my friends

and my brother.