All Things Considered.

She's slipping through my fingers
and despite my best efforts, I feel like
I'm going to loose her weather I will it or not.
At times I feel like it's as if we're breaking up.

Last night when I got off the train
I had to take sometime to myself;
thus I went on a mini journey.
I gave offerings to the great 'ocean'
that is Lake Michigan and walked among
the great birds of the air. They were the only
ones there to feel my sadness.
But that's the way I willed it.

After all, I hate being 'weak' in front of people.
It's in my nature.

I need to hop
on learning spanish.







Argentina, 2010/11?
think so.

Possible Plan for Today

-finnish eating toast w/ butter & grape jam
-finnish this list
-take a shower & straighten my hair
-get box from mail room
-get lunch from the UC
-shoot for comparative assignment
-take out money of apartment
-get money order
-go to wicker park with maddy to look at furniture
-go to my bank, bank of america or chase to deposit check
-go to gap get my W4
-scan in my W4 end email it to dad
-go to the UC for dinner
-go to dark room
-clean kitchen, living room, bathroom
-start packing
-take photos for finals of packing
-figure out what the hell is goin' on for easter this weekend
-figure out where to find the money for it
-figure out what's goin on for the christening of the apartment next friday
-cure cancer





might have to move some of these things
to tomorrow.. so much stuff

my fellow photographers.

I've always been a big fan of
Bobby Doherty's work. It's been nice
and strange to see his work progress over
the last couple of years. There's been a tremendous
change of style in his work from when he was in high school
to now as (nearly) a Jr. in college at SVA.
Anyway, you guys should check out his work..
it's generally worth checking out.

just sayin'




^{p.s. I hate the way blogspot cuts off photos.. -_-}

Human Interactions,
why are they so complicated?
Why is it so hard for me to tell the
guy I like, exactly just that, that I like them
or to tell my best friend that I love her and that she
means the world to me and that I don't want her
to go?

Refusing to sleep
I have my doubts, I'm in a funk.
Being surrounded by people that are
good at what they do and agressivly go after
what they want everyday is inspiring and daunting.
Watching and listening to them fills me with joy and leads
me to doubts.

I see their work
and I wonder "what the hell have
I been doing to progress in my work/craft,
and to share my vision?" "not much" is the only
answer that I can come up with. There was a time when
i would plan shoots and or take time to myself to go out to
explore and photograph... and in the very lease spend more than
a second or two framing up the shot. There was thought to it. OR at least
a bit of thought. Now my work is filled with party photos, shots of freinds hanging
out and wedding photos. Is this the a product of laziness or rather just a new direction
in which my work is going? or possibly both? I have no clue.

I needed a space where I could
layout what I thought were pretty good examples of
my work and what I am capable of. I've begun another flickr...
some place where I don't just "vomit up" everything that I had shoot.
I'm at a point where I need to see if my work stands up to those around me.
I'm not sure that it does. I realize that my style of photography is very diffrent from
those of my peers; but even still I'm not sure if the things that make up my style
make it seem some how less mature. I think that's the main thing that I
need to find in and for my photography, a sense a maturity.

Trying to gain insperation
I've been looking at the portfolios of
new and old favorites... the likes of
Ryan Pfluger, Becky Tillett, Anna Celii, Rodney Smith
Amy Stein, Boogie, Aaron Farley, Andrew Hefter, Anik Hankan,
Llyod Hughes, Will Govus, and Erin Olaf

Seeing their work
and mine together, I realize that
my roots in past experiences working both as a
fashion & music photographer still stretch and profoundly
effect the work that I do today. I'm not sure if I should find a
way to suppress that or if I could even if wanted to. Those experiences
are after all my building blocks.

Although this is all
very daunting to myself, I still realize
that this is in fact a good thing. If given the chance
this is an inner struggle which will raise my work to the next level.
The last time this sort of thing happened, it lasted for years, but brought me
to a point where I could actually be proud of what I'd shot. Let's hope this continues
to be true for this next battle with photography.

Once again I'm reduced to the level of a child picking up
the camera for the first time. Humility has broken in, and I feel like I
don't know what the hell I'm doing or what the fuck I'm talking about.
I'll take this one step at a time.

Did I ever tell you insecurities could be a good thing?





I'm skipping class to personally focus on photography by myself.
I'm forcing myself out into the cold April snows to see what I can get.
Tonight I'm going to Jes's for a critique and time with some fellow photographers.
I don't think I'll have much to present except some old[er] work.

Never be complacent in your craft.
Struggle and Grapple with it. Have your doubts.
Push YOURSELF to figure that shit out. Face what
troubles you. You've got everything to prove to yourself.




My lens is broken.
I've received free film although
i most likely will not be needing it
for assignments. I'll be forced to shoot
with my manual film cameras.... which is good anyway
as I seem to be more concuss of what it is exactly that I'm
taking/creating. It's good. I need this.