Two Things.

Do you trust me now?




Did I ever tell you insecurities could be a good thing?

^{it's a sunny day in chicago
and the heat is hitting my head.
A stillness has invaded the room.
Godspeed You! only helps to move it along.}

is it strange
that I feel like within the next
6 months, the art/inspiration atmosphere
that I had originally sought in coming to columbia
will finally be achieved? Meaning that, I think I've finally
found a group of people that are completely passionate about
their craft to a ridiculous degree. They don't kind of love it, they don't
like it. They live it, they breath it, and if they could, or when they can, they
eat it. Their craft is an essential and dynamic part of who they are.

Sitting on the beach talking to my friend
Sam Gove, he told me he once said to his [ex]
girlfriend that his camera comes before her; he was completely
serious. Apparently she was offended by that... but
personally I kind of think that's the way it ought to be.
Because no offense to significant others but what I do
and what I create will always be a profound part of me weather
others stay or go.

I really enjoy that I've found people
of like mind[s]. It's really inspiring to be
around those kinds of people no matter what their
craft is.

Secretly I've been wanting to
start a sort of artist collective... uh
a salon if you will. Sort of like The Factory..
but not in the way that one person is the dominate
person or creator there... and I would definitely not have
anyone like Andy Warhol who would completely use and rip off
the fellow artist around him with in his circle.
I want to be able to help take care of my friends/fellow artists
the way that Alfred Stieglitz did. Obviously I have neither the money
nor the connections that he did... but it would be nice.
For now, i suppose Ill just continue to have a place where my friends
are welcome to stay and feed them... and if possible continue to have things
that they can barrow or use to help them articulate and carry through with their visions.

it occurred to me the other day
that when I look at people and then
see their work, it's never the [kind of] style that
I'd imagine them to create... or vice versa.
This is true of the Mountain Goats singer
as well as my dark room teacher Chris Schneberg.
Both guys seem to be incredibly relaxed and actually
rather hilarious. Despite this both of their work is kind of
dark in a way. I dig this though as it is a complete surprise.

Speaking of which, I've
been checking out my professor's work
(both Chris Schneberg and Javiar Carmona) lately.
I've gotta say that although I'm impressed by chris's
work, there are very few images that javiar (my photo I professor)
has created that I'm impressed with... which is entirely frustrating...
especially when it seems that he's trying to suppress our (the students)
ability to create or continue to use our own sense of style.
Idk I feel like with his photography, yeah maybe he used "the rules"
but his photos have no light, soul, or poetry to them... you know what I mean?
There's nothing to keep me there compelled. Rules only get you so far.

Chris's work is pretty cool. You can definately
tell that he loves the dark room. The majority of subjects
that he shoots are of situations/things that look to have taken place
awhile ago (like turn of the century) and the photos themselves have been
treated as such... so they even feel like they're from that era.
If you went to a gallery showing, you'd be able to see that he takes
it even a step further and makes 3D images out of his photos. He
doesn't use 3D in a way that what ever it is in the foreground pops way
out at you... but rather to give the photos a sense of depth... much in the style/way
that Coraline does. I dig it.

3D:

Oddly, I'm having quite a run-in with
photographers lately. On the way back home
to chicago from dallas, by chance, I happened to
be sat by a photo professor from RISD named John Hames.
I guess he's actually been a photographer for quiet some time now
(30 years). But it was pretty sweet cuz beside being able have great conversations
with him over the coarse of two flights (dallas to Little Rock, Little Rock to Chicago)
he was able to give me some photoshop advice and street shooting & documentary shooting
advice... which lol I'm sort of in desperate need of.
Also, it was nice to meet another photographer to works primarily with
a wide angle lens (he said he shoots mainly with a 28mm lens) which is nice
as I've been feeling kind of pressured over the coarse of the semester to shoot with
a normal to telephoto lens... but I'm realizing that shooting wide angle is pretty much just
my style.

John Hames:

other than that,
i'm at odds of what to do
with myself today. There's a secret show
or other from one of the guys that used to be in
Death from Above, think i'm going to that.
It's gonna be crazy, two shows in two days. I
can't even tell you the last time i went to a show in chicago.

It didn't hit me that
I was back in chicago until
an hour after I was back. It was
good to sit in my messy living room
amongst friends again. But also very strange
knowing that now, texas is no longer where I live
in any way shape or form. The house I stayed in is now
"my parents house" or simply "the place where I grew up".
I've still got alot of growing up to do, but this time it's in my
own place and now completely
on my own terms.

My moving (officially) to Chicago
has really hit my brother harder than I thought
it would. It's been only with in the past year and a half/2 years
that me and him have actually gotten to know each other and appreciate
one another. He's probably one of my favorite people in my life and I'm sad
that I won't be able to see him as much anymore... but I can't be stuck in dallas.
My wonder lust is too strong to stay in that place; no matter how much I live the people there.

On the upside, I have been
talking to Clayton, Eamon, Trib, Tim and Cam
about them possibly coming up this summer for
Lalapolooza or just to come up and chill here with me for
a bit and they're all thinking about it which is good. I just hope
they actually do come up, cuz that'd be sweet.

I feel like everytime
I come home there's always
someone that I've inadvertently
trying to convince to come to columbia:
Cam, Emily, Trib, (random girl that hangs out
at The MO), and the list goes on..
It's weird, and I always feel strange afterwards.

So I've come home
for spring break.
Things I've experienced in
the last day and a half:

1. seeing chicago at sunrise
2. flying (while sleeping)
3. seeing green grass
4. smelling freshly cut grass (def. a suburban smell)
5. petting my dog
6. being home.

Unfortunately being here won't
be all pleasure as I have to pack up
my life and send it all away to chicago.
I (and my roommates) officially got our apartment
yesterday so there era of still partly living in texas is up.
From here on out I'm only a visiter. a guest in my parents house.
Home for now on will be (in) chicago.

This line of thought/reality has lead me
to the theme of my photo final.
Leaving My Life.
It'll be shot in black & white
on 120 film... so medium format.
I'm gonna film friends in locations that
have been important/influential over the coarse
of the last 19 and a half years of my life here in texas.
as such I'll have to shoot it here while I'm on spring break.
Downside: Dallas doesn't like to carry film.
SO i'm gonna have to hunt it all down.



gotta take colin home.
more latta.

today I choose to
spend time at the beach
over actually getting sleep tonight.


I'm already regretting this decision.




good weather days
and sleep can happen/be
experienced at any point.
Just which i could experience both.